Recognizing Toxic Relationships

Written by More2Life, Building Healthy Relationships blog revisited

Do you know how to spot the signs of a toxic relationship? Learning to identify manipulative or harmful behavior among your friends or in your dating life will help you to form healthier relationships. Sometimes a friendship or dating relationship can feel so good that you ignore warning signs. Maybe you were accepted into a group of friends that seem popular or cool but you get excluded or made fun of when you hang out with them. Maybe the person you're dating made you feel great at first, but now you are feeling unsupported. Whatever the case may be, if you can learn to spot the red flags of a toxic relationship, you will be better equipped to avoid them.

What Does A Toxic Relationship Look Like?

Consider the following scenario:

You meet someone, and they seem awesome and fun to be around, so you hang out with them more and more. You notice oddities here and there, like a snarky comment or a neglected commitment, but you don’t pay it much mind at first. Over time, their true colors begin to show up. This could look like them speaking to you in a disrespectful manner, constantly standing you up, putting you down, or just simply mistreating you. 

Perhaps they turn out to be extremely controlling and manipulating, always insisting on having things their way, or needing to be the center of attention. They are jealous when you hang out with someone else, but they rarely make an effort to support you. They frequently disrespect your opinions, beliefs, desires, and needs, and yet somehow you find yourself making excuses for them. 

Does any of part of this scenario sound familiar? If so, keep reading, because this type of behavior is not characteristic of a loving relationship, but rather a toxic one. Before diving into ‘how to avoid’ toxic relationships, we must first examine the signs of a healthy one. 

A Healthy Relationship Starts With a Firm Foundation

In a dating relationship, for example, your firm foundation would be developing a strong friendship before moving forward in a longer-term commitment. This means when you spend time together you strive to get to know each other better by asking questions, listening to understand, bonding over core values, and supporting each other. These kinds of meaningful interactions focus on general love and respect towards the other person. If your bond strengthens, this could lead the way towards a healthy engagement and eventually marriage. 

More2Life, an outreach of New Life Solutions, encourages you to wait until marriage before engaging in sexual activity to avoid the risk of sexually transmitted diseases and teen pregnancy. These activities often bring to the surface many struggles and problems that could distract you from your goals and your future. 

Avoiding Toxic Relationships

If you can relate to the toxic relationship scenario described earlier, you might wonder how to avoid toxic relationships moving forward. A good place to start is to surround yourself with healthy influences. These are people who have similar values, mindsets, and goals. Build an inner circle that you can trust, that will lift you up when you fall, and encourage you to be the best version of yourself. The next important step is to be aware of the red flags in both friendships and in dating relationships that indicate toxicity. 

These red flags include, but are not limited to:

• Experimentation with drugs and alcohol

• Patterns of violence

• Jealousy

• Lack of trust

• Lack of boundaries

• Disrespectful speech

• Controlling and/or manipulative behavior

• Inconsiderate or selfish behavior

• Frequent lying

•  Disregard of authority or rules 

If you notice any of these red flags, the best and easiest thing you can do is to end the relationship early. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to leave. Do not be deceived into thinking that you can change them, or that you are the problem. If you are having trouble ending a toxic relationship, seek wise counsel from someone you trust. The worst thing you can do is suffer in silence and isolation.

You are worth more than your toxic relationship makes you feel.

More2Life encourages you to make the best possible choices for your future because we know that every single decision we make now affects our present and future.

For more information about More2Life Youth Development outreach, please visit www.m2l.org.